Early on in the process I wanted to use my ‘vessel’ projection light. It filled my bedroom ceiling and walls and I prayed it did the same in the studio. It didn’t and I was gutted as the distance from  the light to the ceiling was too far. As I was stood there thinking that my piece now wasn’t going to be as visually interesting and unique Darren the Tech man then said to me “Laura, the light looks great on you”. I looked down and saw the vessels pouring over my body, clothes and skin. We then put some blue and red lights at the back and a spot light just lighting my face and then to a blackout. I then switched the light off manually. I FOUND MY ENDING. Originally I wanted the piece to start with this cool light effect but I was also toying with the idea of starting the piece more light hearted and ending on a serious note. This light now worked for the atmosphere of the ending. A voice over plays whilst I close the back curtains, hiding the projection screen, starting to finish the show a metaphor for ‘shutting everything down’. Like my body decides to sometimes to:

I don’t really understand what goes on inside my body. It’s scary really. Sometimes it’s hard trying to juggle and adjust everything depending on my lifestyle factors and changes. If I want to plan to have a baby, in the future obviously, I have to make sure my sugar levels are under control before I can try as even a slightly raised overall blood glucose level called a hba1c, could put my child at risk of a birth defect. We are advised to not even get tattoos or piercings as our body takes longer to heal. I have to test before I want to drive. I can’t drive public transport as a career. If our levels are out of control we can also go blind or lose the feeling in our feet. I don’t want future complications, I deal with enough now. But I won’t let having diabetes stop me from achieving my dreams and living my life to the full everyone has extra problems to deal with, I may have slightly more than others but I could be so much worse off. I’ve written a 9000 word dissertation, performed in hundreds of shows, had crazy nights out made amazing friends and hopefully have gained a degree. It’s a rollercoaster and a never ending cycle which will continue. I want to be in control but it’s hard. I just have to smile through it.

I guess you could say my body’s a malfunctioned machine that plays one big guessing game based on smaller machines. A balancing act. 36,000 odd blood tests. My life revolves around numbers, levels, time, effort, energy and all these clever little devices… imagine if they all just stopped working.