i rang up the Ipswich diabetes centre to ask for my folder of details, my charts and graphs etc… i then had to ring another number to ask fro permission, they then sent me a form to fill out and return… £10 to receive my own medical details. It is scary to think that someone else knows more about my body than i do.

Tomorrow i am going to Lincoln diabetes centre for the first time… i never wanted to swap centres as ive grown up in the hands of the same team since i was 6, 15 years seeing the same people who know that i do drama and that i like to have my target level above 4 which is supposedly the normal target range 4-8. My levels have always ran higher. maybe i have a fear of going hypo… the feeling of not being in control of my body is horrible.

Tomorrow i will probably get another realisation that my levels are too high and i need to control them better.This never ending cycle will continue, one minute i’m back on track and then the next minute something new is happening in my life and they spiral out of control. It’s a balancing act. As a third year university student, i struggle to cope sometimes. Mentally i am fine, as ive been reading a lot of diabetics suffer with depression due to the pressures of being diabetic. Others may also look at me and think there is nothing wrong with me and that i am fine. Deep down though i struggle everyday to deal with stress of uni, eating healthy to lose weight, carb counting, going to the gym then going hypo and having to eat carbs or sugar, then feeling guilty because ive eaten something unhealthy.  Then i eat too much sugar which sends my levels too high. I then become drained. My day is ruined, i cant concentrate on uni work, i feel yuck and want to just sleep and wake up feeling refreshed.

Tomorrow is a new day. I won’t know what it will bring but hopefully going to the hospital will enocurage me to get back on track to reduce my risk of future complications. The main things i can visually remember about the diabetes centre back home are all of the leaflets spread out across the tables, in the racks, stuck on notice boards. All the empty packets of food and drinks with details of carb counting all over the notice boards too. I want to play on this idea of the audience’s minds being over loaded with information as i always am. Therefore, i have gathered as many leaflets as i can with all the different things linked with being diabetic, from getting a tattoo, to sex, to travelling abroad, things that most people wouldn’t even think about as a problem for me.